Compassion

 You know I need you,                 Like the flower needs the rain I need you,                                Guess I’ll start it all again You know I need you,                        Like the winter needs the spring You know I need you,                  I need you.                                        Gerry Beckley

Today was my wife’s visit to the gynecologist, and also for her yearly mammogram. This will be the second visit since her aneurysm in June of 2012. I have to say it still felt kinda weird helping her undress and get her woman parts checked out. She did awesome and did not feel embarrassed at all. I just hope I can keep this up.

I thought I would share some great stuff I read lately. There are some amazing web sites out there for research and comfort. Here are a few comments I found on:

http://www.brainline.org/content/2013/08/the-most-helpful-thing-someone-has-done-for-me-since-my-brain-injury.html

Understanding that I sometimes don’t know that I am asking the same question again and don’t remember something said already. More importantly, I am not doing these things on purpose. Gentle reminders often help a lot. Also, knowing that even though I may function like “normal” folks, I am a person with a TBI.

Dec 16th, 2013 6:30pm

My loving son put up inspirational phrases around the house to remind me how important it is to take care of myself and how much I’m loved. So whenever I open the refrigerator, pantry door or a cupboard, there is a message reminding me of these things. It gets me through the difficult times.

Dec 13th, 2013 1:26pm

Always tried to make me laugh and smile so that I could feel happiness in my life. Vera

Dec 12th, 2013 1:07pm

My wife never stopped loving me even though my children stepped back confused my parents wont talk to me and even my church abandoned me. I became someone else and yet she loves me. I owe her everything.

Dec 2nd, 2013 7:07am

My family has been there every step of the way. They have rallied me when I don’t want to work at recovery. They have hugged me, let me cry on their shoulders, cooked, cleaned, did laundry and shopping for me. Then they helped me do these things. 14 months later they drive me to appointments and take me shopping. They never batted an eye, that’s unconditional love! Sheila

Nov 25th, 2013 6:49pm

Making me realize what I’m fighting for which in turn made me work harder in therapy to achieve my goals

Nov 25th, 2013 4:50am

Allowed me to repeat myself of forgotten stuff id already said or dine without shaming

Nov 24th, 2013 3:31pm

Offered me hope and believed in me.

Nov 15th, 2013 6:24pm

took me outside and pushed me to go out for walked as exercise. put up with my behavior changes, tough me to accept the new me. understood my injury when i couldn’t and helped me research it till i finally understood the cause of my re- occurrence symptoms. I still cry because I miss me so much so very much.

Nov 13th, 2013 8:12am

reading all the positive post on here that have had such good experiences since their brain injury. Unfortunately my story isn’t that great: since my brain aneurysm in Oct 2006 I’ve lost my husband of 27 years, my job as a veterinary manager, my memory, my relationship with my child, my home, many friends and I’ve become a lonely woman living alone with my animals. Thank God for my critters…they accept me the way I am and give me great comfort…. Just NEVER knew that life could change like this in an instant…from one minute to the other….and to get back to the original question there’s nothing special anybody (human) has done for my since my brain injury …. unless my pets count….they love me the way I am and give me the will to live

Nov 12th, 2013 5:33pm

Allowing me to tell the same story over and over without reminding me I had already told them.

Nov 12th, 2013 3:38pm

I just go about my day going nowhere. I don’t think or feel that I’ve major probs from my 2 TBI’s but when I think about it my short-term memory is appalling. Also Discontinuity ( gaps in memory and awareness and unawareness syndrome ) scares me. I’ll just keep climbing the mountain and go do something like getting a job.

Nov 7th, 2013 7:02pm

Called me and invited me to social events when I felt like isolating……Learned about brain injuries and made sure the social events were ones I could handle – not loud places with too many people.

Aug 31st, 2013 12:01pm

My husband took care of me…

Aug 29th, 2013 5:23pm

Been patient,understanding & have stayed with me still today.

Aug 29th, 2013 11:09am

This happened to my very good friend….All I do is to be there for her whenever she calls if I can..She is a very sweet person…

Aug 29th, 2013 7:52am

FORGIVING ME WHEN I FORGET A MEETING…GET LOST.. OR DON’T REMEMBER WHO THEY ARE, FORGET THE WORD I’M TRYING TO USE OR MESS UP SPELLING A WORD

Aug 29th, 2013 1:14am

Loved me when I couldn’t love me.

Aug 28th, 2013 11:26pm

treated me like I\’m a person of worth not brain damaged…..

Aug 28th, 2013 10:37pm

Transported me to Doc appts. near, far and way far Went to doctor\’s appt.\’s Asked questions of doctors Stayed vigilant and concerned helping me remember Helped me keep organized Showed a lot of patience Vigilant while I was in the hospital Vigilant in prayer Supported my Mother, Father, brothers and sister Gave suggestions to me never pushed them on me allowing me to make the decision Spending time Helped me with paper work Included me in her family Let be me My best friend Never gave up on me Luved me just the same before and after Thank you Carol Kevin

Aug 28th, 2013 10:26pm

My husband stayed married to me. Melody

Aug 28th, 2013 9:29pm

Excepting me for who I am today. And asking questions that you really want my honest answer to. BELINDA

Aug 28th, 2013 5:07pm

Doesn’t get annoyed when I ask to help remember things!

Aug 28th, 2013 4:45pm

All of the above and beyond and of course the unconditional love.

Aug 28th, 2013 4:29pm

Drove me where I wanted to go.

Aug 28th, 2013 1:00pm

routine: noun

1. regular, unvarying, habitual………… Do it a thousand times. The same way every time.

Keep on keeping on. Laugh with your loved one and make them feel like they are loved, safe and important. Every day is a new day. Smile when you wake up and thank the one above for everything. Make my mind strong, my body strong, and my soul strong, in your name Jesus. Amen.

Hasta la próxima.

I want to be there!

Oh little one, bring your love here
Oh little one, I need you near
Oh little one, but don’t live in fear of the future
‘Cause I will always be there

                                                                      Daniel Seraphine and David Wolinski

 

Holidays and special days are just regular days for me now. At first it made me sad, but now I seem to be fine with it. My wife will probably never remember my birthday, when we met, wedding, honeymoon, and what probably makes me the saddest, is our anniversary. But still, I keep thinking and making sure she is happy and to never live in fear of the future or the present. I always want to be there, with her.

We look at pictures constantly. She will stop on one picture and remember. Sometimes she will know for sure and maybe 15 minutes later, not quite sure. She is getting really good at faking the memories. Pretending she knows. We laugh a little and I tell her the story behind the picture and then she remembers and finishes the story. Yes, there is hope every day.

I talked to a good friend today. His mother has dementia. We can relate to the same problems and situations. It is so important to talk to others in the same situation as you, if you can. Sad, but awesome that one of my best friends is on the same page with me.

Here is a story a friend sent to me………………So True!

TRUE LOVE (A Doctor’s note)

It was approximately 8.30 a.m. on a busy morning when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9.00 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat. I knew it would take more than an hour before someone would be able to attend to him. I saw him check his watch anxiously for the time and decided to evaluate his wound since I was not busy with another patient. On examination, the wound was well healed. Hence, I talked to one of the doctors to get the supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. We began to engage in a conversation while I was taking care of his wound. I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment later as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no and said that he needed to go to the nursing home to have breakfast with his wife. I inquired about her health. He told me that she had been in the nursing home for a while as she was a victim of Alzheimer’s disease. I probed further and asked if she would be upset if he was slightly late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was and she had not been able to recognize him since five years ago. I asked him in surprise, “And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?” He smiled as he patted my hand and said, “She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.” I had to hold back my tears as he left. I had goose bumps on my arm, and I thought, “That is the kind of love I want in my life.” True love is neither physical nor romantic.

 

That is how I feel about my wife. Can you say that about your loved one? I also pray it lasts forever. It is never easy to deal with.

routine: noun

1.  regular, unvarying, habitual………… Do it a thousand times. The same way every time.

 

Keep on keeping on. Laugh with your loved one and make them feel like they are loved, safe and important. Every day is a new day. Smile when you wake up and thank the one above for everything. Make my mind strong, my body strong, and my soul strong, in your name Jesus. Amen.

 

Hasta la próxima.